Kept Notes

Goodbye....For now

2011-11-19T22:40:00.001Z

Insha'Allah I'm taking a break from blogging. Insha'Allah I hope to come back when I have more time.

Jazakallahu Khayr and Thank You loads.

Surprised...Really?

2011-11-01T13:57:00.013Z

The other night I surprised myself, and I'm hardly ever surprised let alone me surprising me...you get it. Words don't come easily when you've not blogged for so long.

A friend of mine was feeling rather disappointed and "shattered" as she puts it about something that someone she thought was her friend did to her. I sympathised with her loads because its horrible to be betrayed or let down by someone you thought was a friend at such a crucial part of your life. But that's not the "surprising" bit. I was surprised because I didn't get angry with her, nor did I tell her to cut her losses and move on.

Instead I think, I was rather...well... balanced even if I do say so myself. I just felt that, and this is coming from experience...life is too short to worry about people that clearly aren't too bothered with you. Why carry all that negative energy around?

How someone treats you should be a lesson learnt about them. So instead of getting all negative, just alter your relationship. If this person was fun, then continue to have fun with them. Don't give them too much of your time or energy. Take whatever that benefits you from their relationship, not in a "I'm gonna use you kinda way" because that's just malicious and mean and and even Unislamic. But in a "no more deep emotional friendship" sorta way.

Alhamdulilah I had not been "shattered" by a friend because Allah blessed me with cool and kind people Maa Shaa Allah, but I have been disappointed because I just didn't think they were the "type" but that's life.

Still! We keep in touch and If its not an inconvenience to me, I would help them out for the sake of Allah. Sometimes I have hours and hours of conversation with them. So what changed? Everything. I know where I stand with them and so got their card marked. This altered friendship is fun and casual Maa Shaa Allah. I know for sure now that I wouldn't depend on them for anything nor place them in significant platform in my life. We're casual friends Maa Shaa Allah.

I like to think that this episode has taught me a lot and actually made me a better human being rather than a negative one. Thanks to my friend who coined the term "casual friendship" and who made it her mission to convert me to the middle ground. I'm a believer now! Thank You Ms.

So why cut off a relationship with a Muslim brother/sister when you could alter it. That's if they're not harming your deen. Just know where you stand with them and form your relationship according to that. Things don't have to be so dramatic. And trust me when I say, it took me a long time to understand this complex formula.

Be happy. Be Nice.

For my friend.

A weird policy from a VERY weird government

2011-09-17T14:58:00.005+01:00

David Cameron announced on Tuesday that learning English will now be a condition to qualifying for some social benefits. Those that do not speak English will be offered free English language course. If they reject the offer, and then they will lose their benefit.

I think its unfair to take away such basic lifeline that social benefits provide for so many people. I can't understand how driving people to absolute poverty give them the motivation to learn the language.

To put this simply, their aim is drive poor people into greater poverty.

Another ethical policy from our conservative led government. Aren't they so lovely?

Empathy is a wonderful attribute.

2011-09-13T19:18:00.000+01:00

The discovery of people forced to into modern day slavery in England has really shocked us all. The 24 victims were found in a horrific state. Hungry, emaciated and living in filth. Some of these poor people have been in captivity for up to 20 years. Predictably, these were vulnerable men. Homeless, job less, alcoholics and lonely. They trusted the wrong people and paid the ultimate price for that.

Its heart breaking that the leighton buzzard case shares so much similarity with that of so many poor victims of labour slavery. Domestic workers is the first thing that comes to mind. They women ( usually women) face systematic physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse. These women are usually Filipino, Africans or from the sub continent region.

I know women who once worked as domestic help in the middle east, and their stories are so sadly similar. Low pay, poor working conditions, no employment rights and a constant fear of being sexually attacked by the male employers and physical abuse by the female employers. These women have managed to get away but there are millions who've not been afforded that same opportunity.

The way domestic workers are treated breaks my heart, personally the idea of someone washing my cloths, feeding my children, preparing my meals and making my bed feels rather uncomfortable when I'm physically able to do it myself. But live and let live.

Members of my family have domestic helpers in Kenya and Somalia and the debate/arguments about fair pay, fair treatment of their employees is constant tension between us. I refuse to order about another woman when I can personally do the task myself. Perhaps I thought being an immigrant, black and MUSLIM would have made them socially conscious.

Immigrant, because they have a first hand experience of what suffering, poverty, and conflict does to people. Which is all the same reasons this person is driven to do so much for so little. Black, will that's self explanatory. And MUSLIM, need I say more?

I would like make one thing very clear. I am not against being a domestic worker. A job is a job and these women are incredibly selfless and very strong. These women need to be employed and people have the right to employ a domestic worker. I can imagine under the right condition, it can be a wonderful thing. I know some enjoy the profession. But I think they should be treated with respect, are safe from predators and have fair pay.

I think its absolutely disgusting how some people can treat another human being like a slave, especially when that person breaks their back everyday, in every way to caters to their every whim and desire. I hate it that they are treated like social pariah. That they are excluded from family gatherings, parities and are often kept in the shadow.

The most idiotic argument I heard is; "well we pay the norm and they are happy to accept it". And my reply has always been, if evil is the norm then does evil become normal? I sometimes wonder if thats the same argument they'll use when they have to answer to their creator.

If like me you're interested in this topic, please have a look at here

When We Marry Outside: The Truth and The Misconceptions.

2011-08-30T14:34:00.000+01:00

I think its well known that us Somali folk are ultra conservative culturally. Its ingrained in us to love our nation, our culture and everything Somali. I too adhere to that now, but from a liberal stance. I would describe centre left traditionalist. Marriage in the Somali community is a big deal. We have rules and regulations. And though I was raised in a very traditional home; I am utterly ignorant to that vast pillars of this all consuming ritual. But it really doesn't matter that much. Why? Because I know this role will be diligently and meticulously executed by my parents, uncles and tribesman. In other words; I am ultimately the bystander to my destiny.
But what happens when this "natural order of life" is disrupt by a foreign element? Well that foreign element is the Somali girls marrying outside the culture and therefore threatening what our parents consider our inherited identity. This is a true a phenomenon in our community especially here in the UK.

In the UK we, the Muslim community are much more established and perhaps much more religiously conservative. Maybe our communities are a lot more integrated than other communities elsewhere. My cousins from North America are often so amazed and utterly taken back by the level of inter marriage in our community. They expressed how their communities in America and Canada are very segregated or at least not as mixed. Not necessarily in a negative way, but intermarriage simply do not happen at the rate in which they occur here in the UK.

These modern pattern of marriages continue to create a lot of problems and disunity in families. To the families, their daughter (Somali girls are much more likely to marry outside than the Somali men) . For her, is a companionship so utterly different from the old fashioned and often tribal way of life. She is raised here in the west and so doe not share her parents unconditional loyalty for the motherland. For her, the less cultural burden the better. He would be the husband and father with much greater love and involvement than the men from her childhood. He would be that shares her daily burden. She sees that he will provide her with the closeness and companionship that her parents lacked in their marriage His lack of culture, she perceive, is freedom. Their marriage will be an ideal one. His promise of marriage based solely on religious text fills her with comfort. Theirs will be marriage of religious suitability and cultural freedom.

For the family; their child was utterly brainwashed by this "New Muslim" with promised of life filled with Islam without the burden of the foreign culture of their parents childhood. For them the reality will be a marriage of utter isolation and abandonment. For them; their daughter will have no security and no sense of true peace. Domestic violence and child kidnapping will be in her future. Her opinion or ideas in their life will hold now weight and her life completely controlled by him. Truth, that the the conservative society in which we belong will never truly accept this child. And lastly; for them this marriage will most definitely end in divorce. They always do, don't they?

These are some of the misconceptions that's rampant in our community. To me, both sides are completely blinded by outdated thoughts, prejudices, unrealistic ideas and fear of the unknown.

Ideally, the Quran and Sunnah should be our guide as we are Muslims. But each nation has their own culture and tradition and though people may disagree; it is impossible to remove man from his environment. The Somali tradition by in large is a positive one. It homogenises the family and wider society and gives one true identity. Though our problems are many, I would argue that the Somali people and community's positive attribute outweigh their negative one.

The parents are always concerned with securing a comfortable life for their children and familiarity to them is securing their future. The truth is that our culture is utterly different to that of a Gambian, European, Jamaican, Algerian etc... and its important to understand that what works for those people may not work for you. Speaking as a cultural butterfly, I can wholeheartedly say that no other culture is as connected, emotionally attached and as family oriented as the Somali one. Our values and our approach to life is often very different to those from other traditions. But I can also understand how all consuming this culture can be for those that haven't been raised in it.

For those that decide to marry outside their culture; then they must do so with their eyes wide open and understand that this new culture is not better than your own. Or may not always be better. Don't burn your bridges because family and community are important and no man is an Island. Whats certain is the love and loyalty your family have for you.

For the parents; they should learn to control their ego and open their hearts and mind to the possibility that this marriage can work. That the Somali way of life isn't the only way of life. Our culture is prone to change and alter a bit. And I belief that some change isn't always a bad thing. By you standing by and supporting your child; then in a way you are also safeguarding them from a lot social problems that may arise when the person has no support system.

Change comes in drops

2011-08-21T11:08:00.000+01:00

So yesterday I randomly asked my friend what she'd learnt this year, to her this question was profound. For me, I was just being rather nosy and really just blurred out the first thing that came mind. Though after a short time, I too shared her sentiment. The question I asked was rather meaty, thinking of it. Certainly not one to discuss and debate if all you want is a light hearted conversation.
After our discussion, I had come to understand that"change comes in drops". We change and alter bit by bit, sometimes without noticing, sometimes without wanting to. Real change happens as result of experience.

This year we've learnt a lot. Whats important from whats trivial. Whats solid from whats fluid and changeable. True loyalty from self serving one. True friendship from one sided selfish one. This year I've learnt that change comes in drops.

How about you? What has life taught you this year?

For S.

Is it really that bad??

2011-06-15T10:41:00.176+01:00

I'm not sure if you lot, those from England had a chance to read today's Guardian paper just yet. But I did. And to my surprise and sadness. I found out that my beloved land of Somalia has been in 5th on the worst place to be a woman. See Global Survey: The world's worst place to be a woman
I am not one to dispute scientific evidence especially when I nothing to base my refutation on. And I accept wholeheartedly that my country and people have loads of problems; 21 years of civil slaughter provides clear proof of that sadly.

But just from what I've observed, I am shocked that so many other countries didn't take that spot. Perhaps I'm being biased (most likely being biased) but the Somali people seemed to be a lot more progressive and independent than many I have personally come across. By people, I mean women. The women of these other countries I refer to however seem to have their lives much more controlled by their men. The men of these other nations seem have absolute and unquestionable authority in the home.

BUT it also important to note that this survey is addressing issues facing Somali women in SOMALIA and so naturally things are very different there. My image of Somali women is one which is western focused. I have never seen the Somali woman back home and therefore can not make real comparisons.

However, here the west, Somali women are naturally fiery, independent, resilient and very self sufficient. Its also important to mention that these women are not necessarily "westernised" or adapted the western life style. These are your average middle aged Somali women.

It would not be an exaggeration, or I don't believe that it would be an exaggeration if I said that they were the most resiliant and fiercely independent women in the Muslim world. I would say that's normally true for the West African women too.

I remember some time back; a lady made a comment about the high divorce rate in our community and how the men seem to feel so helpless. This person implied that the Somali home was a happier one back home. But then thought; " I don't think the homes were happier. I think men had greater authority and therefore naturally didn't get much opposition." So what we had back home were often functioning homes rather than happy homes. Big difference.

I think surveys like this can be good thing if they bring about real change. But the reality is that Somalia has many more "pressing" needs such as; absolute poverty, disease, increasing level of suicide bombings, unstable government etc... Its fair to assume therefore the "Saving our women" campaign will most likely not be on the government's top 100 things to do list.

And finally; like many developing countries in the world; determinants of domestic violence, rape, lack of access to education, high mortality rate, lack of financial indepedence and so on is often linked to class and tribe. As such, the poorer the background the woman comes from, the harsher the life she will lead. Social mobility is immensely difficult period, but it's incredibly more so for those who come from lower economical class or tribe. Tribe is probably second to religion for some people and tackling inequalities that stem from this system will take generations to address.

...drawing a line...

2011-05-24T12:23:00.000+01:00

Asalamu A'laikum/Hello

I won't be allowing any more comments relating to the previous drama to be published. The person in question has gotten in touch and said they wish to let bygones be bygones. And though this was not my conflict, I am more than happy to move on from this situtation and draw a line under this episode.

I created this blog for my own interest and not to get into arguments/cyber conflict with random people. Once again, Jazakallahu Khayr and thank you so much for your support and concern.

I guess there is a first for everything

2011-05-08T01:02:00.000+01:00

So my last post prompted loads of emotion and passion, some surprising even for me. I genuinely didn't think that was one of my "emotionally charged" or most "controversial" yet crazy things have happened as a result.

Sadly, a particular contributor has been utterly...well ..."interesting". Why? Because I decided against publishing a comment relating to the previous post, not because of censorship like they wanted to believe but because this person was being offensive to one of the readers. Getting very personal about their life. When I thought to explain this to this person. They decided to go on the attack and get malicious.

Some people have a bitter, unfulfilled and lonely existence. Clearly this person has a lot of anger and resentment. The bitter reaction to my response says a lot about them. I won't mention their name or link their blog like they did with me. Its just so sad so I forgive you.

And on to a happier note....

I decided from now one to limit my contribution to the comments section. I want to write the original post and give you guys the comment section ALL TO YOURSELVES to debate and discuss. Of course if you ask me a direct question, or make a direct comment then I shall have my say. But the comment section is my gift you.

PS; Jazkallahu Khayr and Thank You for the healthy, lively discussions and debates. After this episode of weirdness, I appreciate civility and maturity just that much more.

Somalia BEFORE the war and a bit of after too

2011-04-25T13:08:00.012+01:00

It would seem in recent history that when you hear Somalia, you hear war and chaos. But there WAS life before that. Yes our generation has never seen it. But there was.

I came across some really beautiful pictures that I simply had to share. Insha'Allah one day we shall see the rebirth of this great nation. Minus the communist socialist state. Including much more focus on tawheed. Much greater knowledge on the aqeeda of the salaf as suppose to the sufism.

Even someone like myself gets tad bit emotional and I am not at all patriotic. Please be warned that there is loads of music in the background. Just turn off the music and enjoy the pictures.

3am post!

2011-04-25T03:19:00.001+01:00

I know its VERY late, but for some strange reason I had the urge to blog after so long. I have been really busy with life and even my cousin enquired as to why my blog hasn't been updated. Bless. It means a lot to me that she reading it.

Anyways, I wanted to respond to a another blog that I read which I thought was absolutely fascinating. I am not sure if I should provide the link. I am not sure how this individual would feel about being analysed, so just to be on the safe side. I won't.

This person was discussing regrets within relationships. I don't know what it is; but almost everyone I know is going through this reflective stage. Maybe entering adulthood has made us more reflective, less social and much more introverted. Who knows really. We do what we do for different reasons.

I think reflection is important IF it'll lead to real change. The reflection that scares me is that one which only makes one self destruct and create self-hatred. The one that ONLY seems to highlight all the mistakes you've made on the issues you can no longer do nothing about. That's the one that most of us seem to get really down about.

Back to "why is everyone suddenly so reflective"? Not really sure to be honest. OK I did previously mention something about entering adulthood, but I think its little more than that. I think its a combination of a lot of stuff. I think, though I am not sure how popular this opinion is. One of the primary reasons this is all about us and our need.

I think most of us simply have no time for profound relationships other than with our nearest and dearest, and some don't even have time for them. Sad I know.

Our need to do a Greta Garbo "I want to be left alone" is simply because people take too much time, time that, if we're truly honest we would much prefer to spend looking at the mirror, having a facial or being with those we choose to be with.

I don't mean to belittle the importance of relationships, but what I am merely trying to highlight is things are changing and change isn't always bad.

My FIRST Blog Award

2011-03-20T12:54:00.001Z

Um Zakarya at Froggy Hijabee had given me my first blog award. Jazakallahu Khayran sister. I am just so grateful.

Dr Hawa Abdi

2011-03-17T20:12:00.001Z

It would seem that positive light hardly ever shines in the mother land. Her growth and development has sadly been stunted by violence and chaos.

In the beginning we had the vile that was tribalism and rebellion. Now we have rebellion, chaos, poverty, disease and pseudo religious wars. Whatever the case, the result is the same. The Somali people are starving and dying in multitude.

Some have profited greatly from the loss of others, while others have been selfless and been concerned solely for the betterment of the poor of the land.

I would like to introduce one of those people. One which gave so much of herself in helping the poor victims of war and poverty. This woman has, on numerous occasions put her life on the line for the sake of serving her people without material gain.

Dr Hawa Abdi runs clinic, located between Mogadishu and Afgoye and has been serving her people for nearly 30 years. Dr Hawa is often referred to as "Somalia's first gynecologist". When Somalia descended into the civil war, she opened a camp where she treats, educates and provides shelter for over 90,000 people.

Dr Hawa is not only a doctor, but a public health and health promoter and pro-educationalist. Her primary aim is to teach "her family" the importance of self-sufficiency and ways in which people can free themselves of the shackles of NGO handouts.

Education is an important aspect to Dr Hawa ambitious for her people. She started a school for 850 children, mostly girls. She also runs literacy and health classes for women. Not only is this woman a mother, friend, healthcare provider, health campaigner, but also, it would seem, a prosecutor of some sort. Did I fail to mention that she also has a Law degree. Dr Hawa along with other healthcare providers runs a small jail for men who beat their wives. Just fabulous!

There has been two occasions when Dr Hawa feared for her life. Once was at the start of the civil war when some thugs attempted to intimidate and bully her because of her tribe. She said did not back down. She simply said " Do what you want I am not leaving".

And then the widely reported incident where the Hizb al Islam captured the camp and ordered her to hand over all operations to them. She being fearless, simply refused. They of course did not think that a woman should run the organisation. She replied, again with much wisdom and truth. "I may be a woman, but I'm a doctor," she said. "What have you done for society?".

With the help of Allah and support of the wider Somali community worldwide, they gave in. Apologised and moved on.

The more I read about the her life the more I was intrigued and inspired. I am utterly impressed just how a human being can be so so selfless for such a long time. She is getting on in age (65 years old) and is tired, working in horrific and emotionally draining environment, yet she continues and doesn't give up. And though she could have easily opted for an easier life in the west or elsewhere practising medicine and living a very comfortable life, she stayed and tended to sick and poor of her nation.

Somalia needs more people like Dr Hawa, I wish that more of us, the younger generation would be so focused in this aim.

Please check out Dr Hawa's foundation KEEPING HOPE ALIVE and support the cause however you can.

May Allah reward this lady, her daughters and ALL those selfless people working hard in such dangerious and harsh environment with so little material gain. May Allah keep protect them all and keep them firm on Tawheed. Ameen. I acknowledge that charity is universal, but surely the "charity starts at home" rule applies here. Its immensely difficult to justify how one can skip their land, one which is tremendously poor and war sriken to another land equally troubled or less so and help them over their own. I know its not always the case, but from exprience, charity can often be fashionable and certain nations are much more "fashionable" to promote than others.

Marriage and Micromanagement

2011-02-11T20:53:00.001Z

Love, Marriage and Micromanagement are all, it would seem to be interlinked. But why? And does it produce a happy healthy home?

Micromanagers manipulate a positive attributes of organization and hands-on attitude and turn it into a extreme desire to control and push people around.

In the work place, micromanagers would be described as authoritarian, dictators, "control freaks", insecure, power obsessed and the list goes on.

Why then does this sense of entitlement and self-interest approach to life gets what I would call a "positive make over" in the home? I find it difficult to understand how this level of control can be "beneficial" as some sisters call it or even "love and protectiveness"

I don't wish to judge anyone, because ultimately I take the "each to his own" approach to life for strangers. Nevertheless, it does not stop me from wondering and asking.

How extensive is the brain washing that convinces a female, that its perfectly normal or perhaps even "preferable" that a husband should dictate and control almost all aspects of ones life?

Case 1: Wife is talking to friend on the phone. Husband asks what is first a an innocent question. Who are you talking to? Of course its natural to say; yea I'm on the phone to so and so.

Husband takes it step further; what were you talking about? Still, seemingly innocent. Wife: Nothing really interesting, she was telling me about her course. Husband: What about her course? Still innocent still, borderline stalk-ish personality (why do you care); Wife: She finds the course boring but has to complete it because she paid loads for it?

Rule enforcement!!! Husband to wife: Insha'Allah I would like to know about your conversation to your friends from now on. Result!! Friends can not trust this girl because you KNOW her weird husband is going to know everything about you though you've NEVER met him. Now she has no friends left and becomes depressed and lonely.

Case 2: Husband enforced another rule; the wife isn't allowed to work, attend college or university and can only go out with him by her side. She isn't allowed to have friends over. And the ones that he permits to come over must first give their full name. I wish I was making these things up but I am not!! He will "check on them" and if the "check clears"...they will be allowed.

And the list can go on but I think my point in highlighted using the first two cases.

Perhaps I have a simplistic approach to "marriage and love", but surely they choose their partners because they are pleased with based some personal attributes.

So why then do they proceed to tear apart that which pleased them in the first place? So they married a sister because she was into seeking knowledge was immensely dedicated and driven, perhaps she was an ambitious woman, perhaps she had great interpersonal skills and was utterly charming. Maybe she was studious, maybe she was very family orientated whatever.. So why do they now which to destroy these attributes that they once found so appealing? But still practising and so the wife isn't going out of her to unislamic.

Where is the trust and respect for the wife as a human being, adult and above all as a Muslimah who is mentally competent. Why must her world stop simply because of this marriage. Surely the more fulfilled she is, the happier the home. She had a life prior to the marriage, did she not?

For me, this malevolent approach to life and marriage is incredibly uncomfortable and to call it anything but that is even more disturbing.

I can not seem to understand why people advocate for such "soul destroying" approach to life and marriage. But then I appreciate that there are individuals who enjoy this way of life. Who do not see it as burden when these demands are placed on their shoulder. So I guess the its all relative.

.

Civility

2011-01-30T16:51:00.000Z

Civility (noun)...The act of showing regard for others

I was raised to stand for myself, to defend whats mine and to stand up for those that are weaker. I have opinions on most things in life. On the world, health, life, love and even on the weather subhanallah I have opinions on everything. I don't sit on the fence much. But as we grow, we learn to self-censor. Opinions and ideas are expressed, some privately to those very close to your heart, and in public when speaking in general term. We do not attack people personally unfairly and unnecessarily.

Being civil is important; one needn't bark at every disagreement or misinformation. Arguments and debates should be done with respect and rationale. Its true what they say; this stomach isn't just for eating. The stomach should keep secrets and manage your mouth. Add to this that we are Muslims and therefore mind our business. If it doesn't concern you, then surely you needn't worry yourself with it.

I have noticed this especially so in our community; it seems that far too many have far too much power, the power of the mouth. It would seem that we all seem to think we are entitled to "express" our opinion on person X's life style. Why?

Person X did not ask for your opinion; their life doesn't affect you. OK fine, its one thing not want to live their life-style or make their choices, but surely one has no right to be so uncivil and almost bully like about person X.

It seems that we normalise abnormal etiquette by making excuses for it? "O so and so is being explicitly racist because they are freshy".

Another time, one sister was saying that her mother works in a dept where she comes across a lot of Somali people which irate her loads. This sister, in front of 10s of Somali sisters describes in minute details her mother's dislike for the Somali people...and she did this without an ounce of embarrassment or regard for those around her. Again; why be so uncivil? How is this story appropriate for the setting? Maybe I'm being slightly sensitive; perhaps its fine to say hurtful and uncomfortable things to those you barely know.

Surely there is an invisible line that we should not cross with those outside our close circle!

Whoa! Who is that?

2011-01-15T17:27:00.002Z

An interesting something just occurred. A friend of mine asked me to describe her, sorta like a short bio based solely on how I perceive her.

I was slightly confused and to be honest even taken aback. I didn't know what to say? How does one describe someone; not based on things which are physical, eg...something that they have done and things that you see. But instead; on abstract and preceieved thoughts..even if these perceptions were loosely based on the physical.

What if my perceptions were way off, what if they were imaginary and perhaps offensive? And so I wondered

Do we really know people?

Furthermore; can one really randomly want to address perceptions without coming across as some sort of a weird confrontational lover?

I don't know that you can? What if these perceptions are just imaginary or misplaced? Surely one can not explain. Convincingly explain, invisible elements, that maybe you're not even aware of.

But I have to say that in our "session" most of these questions didn't apply. She and I were both happy with how we saw one another. I guess in our case; the mirror did not reflected on "abstract" but on concrete and "real" blocks to our personality. Although interestingly; we both politely edited the words that we found were "unattractive".

Here is to ~~honest,~~ I mean decorated open discussions.

Is it worth talking about it?

2011-01-12T18:46:00.000Z

Is communicating a problem always the best thing to do?

Sometimes, I find that its a bit difficult....almost impossible to know the difference between what should be "communicated and discussed" and what should be left alone and ignored. What measurement does one use

But then again? What about the matter of the heart? What if the situation isn't perhaps too major, but to you it feels heavy or its a personal burden?

Ahh life eh?....

Eurocentrism and us

2010-12-16T18:44:00.002Z

I wanted to write about this issue for such a long time but felt that perhaps, during that period my emotions would get the best of me.

The issue here is Racism/self hatred/eurocentrism within subgroup in this community of ours. I think people are people, we fear others simply because we lack knowledge of their customs. Because behind the wall of social awkwardness lies-almost universal similarities.

Of course, I respect and recognise that each nation has its own unique characteristics. I do not deny people the ability to make choices, to have preference and to celebrate the identity which they feel most comfortable with. I have no qualms about that at all.

But I have noticed just how polarised we are in our communities, more shockingly how divided we are within sub-minority groups.

I was raised in the west, I am a Somali no doubt by the way I look, cook and perhaps even form relationships. I find the Somali culture the most comfortable to be in. But I human-being and a Muslim primarily. I keep friends with people based on mutual understanding and love
I have no loyalties to tribe/clan nor do I care for class or socio-economic status of the individual. So yes, I take a very culturally liberal view on this. Others find that they are not able to keep friends with those outside their culture or nation simply because they don't feel comfortable with it...and that's fine. Not everyone has malicious intent, its just what they know and what they feel OK with.

But these are not the people I refer to as racist or eurocentric. I am talking about those that target individual solely on the colour of their skin.

Perhaps I'm being simplistic; perhaps I am being far too pedantic about it but its important to talk about these issues without sugar-coating it.

Racism in all its forms should not be tolerated at all. Those individuals who express such thing should be punished accordingly. I make no excuses at all for my hard line view. Irrespective of who you are within the community or what role they occupy.

The issue of Dark Skinned V Light skinned the one I shall use to highlight the this barbarism. I don't deny that each individual has a choice and a preference; but surely indiscriminate discrimination based solely the tone of the skin is nothing less than racism, self-hatred and pure and utter ignorance.

Scenario 1:

Allow me to explain; Ali he is looking to get married; he is a 30 year old professional, has his own place and is religious inclined.

So he asks his friend, family, colleagues and Imam to help him. He says he wants a sister of similar calibre. 25-31 year old professional, same country as him, educated and is religiously inclined.

Enter sister Fauzya; is 25, has a fabulous degree, is religiously inclined, is known to be a lovely person in the community and is from his country but she is dark skinned.

Without meeting Fauziya, Ali is not interest. But why? She ticks all the boxes and more? Because Fauziya is dark skinned and therefore he is automatically not interested.

What would you call this? And why doesn't this happen to the light skinned sisters? Does being light skinned automatically translate as being "beautiful". The excuses are almost always the same; "oh I am just not attracted to dark skinned people, I don't think they are attractive."

But dark skin people are not identical twins. They are individuals, they have their unique quirky characteristics. And no two people share identical,be it physical or emotional attributes so how then do you label them as a "bunch".

Furthermore, I am yet to hear anyone being rejected solely on them being light skinned and why doesn't society categories all light skin people as a bunch?

And though racism is ugly and barbaric in general, its far more hurtful when these individuals are themselves black. With a dark skin mum, dad, sister, aunt, uncle or whatever.

And anyways, whose definition of beauty are we using here?

One would have thought that we would have been a lot more enlightened on the account that we are, as a generation far more religious than our parents. Add to this the fact that we are by in large far more educated and culturally mixed than our parents. But no that's not the case.

I am I exaggerating the seriousness of this situation or maybe you agree.

Lets discuss.

Oops I had no I dea!!!

2010-11-19T23:14:00.002Z

I realised today that I share far too much information about myself. This, I tell you has been a disturbing realisation. Why, you ask? well, I sorta kinda always thought, perhaps without much qualification that I am the "mysterious" and incredibly guarded type. I guess that bubble's burst.

I know they say, that sharing is caring, but seriously, surely privacy is much more important. Don't get me wrong. I am not advocating that a wall made out of titanium surrounds me, but its important to learn not to share so much, so soon and so often.

Why is it necessary? Why should one need to know about the "future, but yet to be attained, just thought about plans"? A conversation with a friend has actually showed just how much I do share, with some more than others of course, even I am not that open or silly, however way you see it.

Interestingly enough another friend said and I think she has a point. She said: have you noticed how when you find out something about a friend you often get the..."O no! I thought you knew. I must have told you"? Hm...I heard that so many times. At least someone shares that paranoia with me.

I think privacy protects....don't share too much, too soon and too often.

What do you think? Do share?

YAY!!! Its EID

2010-11-15T22:12:00.000Z

Been so long since I last blogged, and though I missed it immensely....sadly my poor time management ability kept me from my baby.

Just wanted to say to you all Taqaballahu Minna Wa Minkum-(May Allah accept it from you and us)

I hope you all have an amazing day with those you love the most.

It feels so good to be blogging again

2010-09-11T18:32:00.000+01:00

Ramadhan is over just as quickly as it came. This year has been so interesting, but equally frightening for me. For such a long time, I was stuck on "wow time is passing us by so quickly"? Then I moved on.

Thank you those of you who emailed me with genuine love and concern. Its just that I decided against blogging during the Ramadhan period.

But now I'm back to my writing, to my therapy!!!

I hope your Ramadhan was beneficial.

RE: The vanishing land

2010-07-20T22:24:00.071+01:00

I decided to remove previous post and replace with this simple yet more valuable post instead.

I do not wish to get involved in this trial that is facing our people. I am sad for them and my heart breaks for them. But now I realise that actually, better than any post is a simple dua. I know that it is much more befitting to guard my tongue and in this case fingers from this fitnah.

Emotional outburst and emotional reactions do not achieve anything. I shall say instead

Allah is sufficient for us all.

May Allah forgive us, purify us and make the deen of Allah the centre piece of this amazing land. May Allah aid the Somali people and all the victims of war, oppression and whatever else that causes them discomfort.

Really the sole aim of this blog has been to express my thoughts, ideas and opinions but not if they go against my ultimate aim. Which is; to be a better Muslim. And outburst such as the previous post, don't aid me in this journey.

Jazakallahu Khayr for your comments for the previous post.

O how I Iove you...

2010-07-14T18:35:00.005+01:00

I speak Somali and I think its an absolutely fabulous language. It is so deep and profound, its extensive and incredibly descriptive. Its poetic and wise.

But I also love the ENGLISH language. I speak it better than my mother tongue. Its the language which I am able to express myself in great detail, where I discuss and debate. Its the language in which I have been able to form lovely relationships with, its the one that I took many exams with.

I just love this language and I am not ashamed of it. It wouldn't be an exaggeration if I said that I thought that this language is probably one of the prettiest around. Whether you like it or not, this language is the language of the world.

I know the language is difficult to learn for some, but as long as one is being able to get their message across that's all that matters. No need to sound like the"Queen". Make it your own!!

Anywho, here are some of my favourite words in the language. I have loads more but just thought to stick to few for now.

Epiphany: I love the sound and meaning of this word.
Inkling: Just love the way it sounds.
Blossom
Eclectic
Ethos
Fickle
Humble: I think its due to its meaning...not really that interesting of a word in terms of sound
Insatiable-
Nostalgia: I absolutely love the sound of this word
Serenity: Even the sounds puts me in a calm zone!!
serendipity: I LOVE THIS WORD!! noun: good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries
Vixen: Its just sounds bad!!! I love it.

Abhor: I love this word because of the power it contains. No doubts, no confusion...they will know your stance on that issue.

SELFISH

2010-07-10T17:31:00.005+01:00

adjective; (of a person, action or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure: O.D

I know by this definition the term has very negative connotations. SELFISH is used to insult and abuse. Its a terms most people disassociate themselves from.

But I would argue that this term can be a great thing, depending on how one applies the fundamental principles that is found in its meaning.

Not being able to say NO can be very destructive, I run around like a headless chicken in order to satisfy other people's requests, some which are solely needed to add to their comfort. Of course, we should all aim to help people if we can and give them if we can...but not at your own expense.

Not being able to SELFISH enough has led me into situations where I have been utterly unhappy, undervalued and neglectful of my wellbeing.

I know from experience that this need to please people and say YES to everything is one which revolves around some psychological void. Perhaps subconsciously I am seeking approval. I think I've always been addicted to pleasing people and not offending. I carry an invisible load of guilt and responsibility which naturally meant that in most cases, at most times, I receive less than I give. Maybe its only a matter of time before the bubble burst. Actually, I think the bubble has burst.

I suffer a lot of guilt and questioning. If I don't give, then who will? If I don't do, then you will? But its true what my client's daughter once said to me; (my name) people will use you as a stepping stone to get over the fence that is life.

I think saying YES needs to be much more managed then saying NO in my case. We do, what we do primarily to please our creator, but that's not to say that my soul has no rights over me too.

Ain't it funny how we often do with great joy, what most people do with a heavy heart. How much we love and worry about others when we don't even cross their mind? Not always due to malicious agenda, just not giving you the same importance as you give them. I don't know who said this; but someone once said; "don't give what you don't have"?

I am going through a very reflective stage in my life. I am carefully studying myself, my relationships and everything around me. The picture is much more clearer when you stand back.

Its feels wonderful to jot down that which your heart carries.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.

2010-06-22T21:00:00.001+01:00

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will". By: unknown.

I came across this quote and thought WOW that is so true. Age brings wisdom and hopefully knowledge of oneself.

For me, this refers to the compartmentalisation of relationships and all that it contains.

Little too much information?

2010-06-13T22:28:00.000+01:00

I want to share as much as I can, but I have an invisible line. This line is notice point and its my boundary indicator. Its easy to get overly excited about the anonymity that the Internet provides and thus expose yourself without care, but I won't. I am not that anonymous anyways. My family and friends know of this blog because I shamelessly promoted and continue to promote it. -:)
But does keeping schtum on about the "juicy" bits in my life (I assure you there aren't much there) mean that I have been somewhat hypocritical? Surely, if I created this blog to "express my thoughts" shouldn't I be utterly open and express all thoughts?

In theory, yes!! And although I have seen bloggers that have taken the route of complete openness, I don't ascribe to that school of thought.

I don't see the point in divulging minute details of my life. I think one can be interesting, encaging without exposing every aspect of their life.

Please come in and Stay

2010-06-11T11:49:00.002+01:00

Asalamu A'laikum/Hello

I am so happy with the way this blog has turned out, not in arrogant way, but I've kept in befitting of me as a person. Its easy to form into some other in the cyber world. I never want to be something or someone I am not.

Thank you to my followers, to the people who email me their interesting take on my opinions and to the people who leave the comments for me here.

For those of you who come to visit, please stay. FOLL LOW ME AND KEEP IN TOUCH PERMANENTLY and lets support one another on our creative path.

Essential Questions and Answers Concerning the Foundations of Eemaan & Obstacles in the Path of Eemaan byAllaamah Abdur-Rahmaan ibn Naasir as-Sa'dee

2010-06-07T16:17:00.010+01:00

This idea of reviewing books as well as articles that I read is one which I have been meaning to address for a long time. I enjoy reading, and why not share my views on my reading collection.

Of course I am unable to provide a professional standard in terms of reviewing these books, but I will Insha'Allah ( god willing) provide a personal one, one which is exclusively mine whatever that may be.

The first book that I hope to review is called Essential Questions and Answers Concerning the Foundations of Eemaan & Obstacles in the Path of Eemaan byAllaamah Abdur-Rahmaan ibn Naasir as-Sa'dee and translated by Sheikh Muhammad Umar Baazmool.

Sheikh Adur-Rahman Ibn Nassir As-Sa'dee was a scholar of various sciences in islam such as fiqh, tafseer and usool. He, Sheikh Ibn Nassir As-Sa'dee was the teacher of many including Sheikh Uthaymeen.

It has been noted that the sheikh was innovative in his method of teaching and writing, perhaps even unconventional. At times he would write a book in the form of a dialogue between two people, other times as poetry and sometimes as questions and answers which is what he has done in this book.

The book is made up of two separate but interlinked sections. The first part of the book which consists of 22 questions and answers about Emaan (faith) and its related topics. After addressing question and answer he moves on to explain and discuss why most of us have turned away from emaan. Here, the obstacles in the path of Emaan are discussed. The Sheikh limits these obstacles to 10.

I must admit that I bought this book primarly for the man who wrote it. I wanted to be introduced to his work from the basic. I remember the week before, my teacher advising us to "familiarise ourselves" with the ulema and so I did.

The blur provides you good deal of information but in my opinion it touches doesn't even 1% of the textual wonders that the book contains.

This book is written for your average Joe or Muhammed, you do not need to be highly learned to appreciate nor understand its content. The wording is fairly simple, and the topic discussed very well. Each topic is duly addressed with great deal of evidence from the Quran and Sunnah.

Topics such as "What are the different classes of believers"? are remarkably detailed in that that author delves very much in the tafsir of Surah Faatir 35:32 when Allah says; "Then We caused Our chosen servants to inherit the book. Among them are self-oppressors, among them are frugal ones, and from them are those who rush forth to perform good deeds, by the permission of Allah"

The explanation of this verse gives us three types of believers and each type is discussed in a clear and concise way.

I enjoyed reading this book because it was simple enough to understand, yet detailed enough to keep me engaged. I knew from reading the first topic, which was tawheed, I had made no mistake in purchasing this book as it serves as a source of constant reminder on issues relating to emman.

I learnt from reading this book that some issues I elevate or have previously elevated in my life have little or no importance in Islam, while other issues I downgrade are paramount to to wellbeing in this life and the hereafter.

I would wholeheartedly recommend this book, do not look down on it due to its lightness ( 89pages), do not dismiss it for its seemingly basic topics. Its friendly and engaging. If you choose to snub it, you're the only looser.

Stats

Readability: 9/10

Translation from Arabic-English: For someone who questions his ability to provide adiquate translatation; Masha'Allah Sheik Muhammad Umar Baazmool did good. In my opinion the translation is top notch, very simple and straight forward. No unnecessary wording and complex explanation. I give it 9.5/10

Structure: Excellent, the layout is brilliant and neat. Not messy at all.

Its wonderful, its all wonderful

2010-06-06T21:22:00.001+01:00

ALHAMDULILAH! I know its easy to look to the things we fail to achieve or to the things we feel we "lack" but Allah has given us all that we need and more, but as humans, the grass is always greener on the other side, but this wondrous green is a figment of the imagination.

I thought earlier that I wanted to make a list of all the wonderful things I have been blessed with Masha'Allah then again!! How does one list a lifetime of mercy, love, guidance and security? For sure I would fall short.

I know that for every piece of food I eat, there are millions starving. For my bed I know there are millions without, for my home, many are homeless.

Last night it was raining hard and thought, "aww imagine all those poor people without shelter and comfort" and this made me so sad, but it also made me reflect.

Allah says in Al-Baqarah; 2:152

So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me

And Allah says in Sural Ibraheem 17:4

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' "

O Allah remind me when I forget, forgive me for my inconsistencies, for my laziness and utter ingratitude. Aid me to do more (good), always do more. Make my heart firm on Tawheed. Ameen.

Revisions days!!!

2010-05-18T14:55:00.001+01:00

I'm off to revise for what will probably be the hardest paper I have ever done so far. Its hard because its a subject that I don't particularly like, or should I say, a module that I don't particularly like.

It has loads of calculation which already puts me on a uncomfortable zone.

Insha'Allah all will be good, but I shall miss my therapy sessions here for awhile

Insha'Allah I will be back as soon as I am able to.

I would but....

2010-05-16T17:29:00.005+01:00

This morning I awoke to find an immensely depressing text message. I thought at first, "here we go again, another forwarded junk propagating, perhaps unknowing bida' and even shirk. One of those, forward this message and Allah will give you X and Y"....but no, this message was different. It was not junk, but it was nevertheless very depressing and even annoying.

A well known charity is running a programme in order to raise £15k for Palestine because of the power cut they have been subjected to. See here.
So, whats so annoying about that right? As a matter of fact, shouldn't I have been a willing participant in forwarding the message? I was, I did what I was told and forwarded the message.

The reason why I am incredibly annoyed is because we have become so helpless in all aspects of life. And whats worse, we justify this utter laziness and helplessness. The sad thing is that this charity has apparently been attempting to raise this fund for about a month!!! Complete disbelieve.

I accept that most of us don't have disposable income, I accept, especially during these difficult times we're all trying to make ends meet, but our pain and "hardship" is absolutely insignificant when we compare ourselves to the poor people of this world. Those in absolute poverty.

I am sorry but I do not buy "outburst" of superficial emotions that most of us seem to express. Why scream and shout if you can not even dedicate a day of our life to these charities. Why criticize the leaders of the Muslim lands when you yourself have never done an ounce of good for the Muslims with your wealth or time?

15K is not a lot of money if we truly want to give. There are thousands of ways one can raise this fund so easily but we are lazy. I am sorry but what else can justify this utter comatose state we're all in.

I gathered from the message the following....

1. The publicity for this particular programme must have been non existence...I didn't see any emails, posters and even at this particular charity's page, you would need to really look for it...its a tiny little link

2. The information isn't reaching your average Muslim by a way of announcing in local communities, masjids and so on

3. Clearly there is a lack of communal participation

4. There is lack of foot soldiers here...we should all be carrying these messages to our families and friends

5. "Someone else will do it Insha'Allah mentally"...we are not helping, our neighbour isn't helping and so who is helping?

6. Every little does HELP!! Giving even £1 would do so much...nothing is too little

7. Giving back!! You qualified, let the Muslims benefit from the khayr that Allah has given you. I know we all have responsibilities, Muslims have rights over you. Plus, what do you hope to fall back on that day. Thousands and thousands of people volunteer while at the same time holding down a full time job, I'm not saying you need to volunteer 40 hrs a week, I'm saying we can volunteer and fulfill our responsibilities to our families. Its really just us wanting it bad enough and managing our time.

8. Charities should be impartial and neutral in all aspects of life. No political affiliation to certain group

9. Racial/Cultural sectarianism is another major problem; Unless the charity is a single nation charity, there is absolutely no reason why they should not involve all Muslims. The administration should attempt to go to local community centres and involve the people.

10. Distribution of wealth!! This has to been seen to be fair. Its not fair that 70% of the programmes and income goes to a specific country when your name gives the illusion of "universal" charity work. I have read annual reports that made me cringe. The distribution of wealth is highly unequal, sometimes by up to 5x. But as my brother said; maybe the distribution is reflecting on the wishes of the people who give to the charity. Its most likely that as I Somali, I would contribute to a Somali programme. Maybe.

The path to knowledge

2010-05-12T16:47:00.002+01:00

I normally take a rest at my local masjid for a little break during my working days. There I pray, read and relax. And while there, a sister was conducting a lesson and of course I joined, I still had 30mins left of my lunch break and was listening.

She said something which stuck with me, something so profound, although I am not sure if it was her personal opinion or that of the teacher of the book they were studying. Nevertheless, it was incredible quote.

She said something to this effect, as Muslims, we are so meticulous and careful about what we eat. We read each ingredient with much focus and consideration, yet when it comes to knowledge and who we take from, the same rules do not apply.

Very true indeed; personally speaking, I know I neglected this meticulous processes fr such a long time, may Allah forgive me and rectify mistakes. I know, like many I placed far too much importance on people that did not deserve it, I took their word without little or no verification due to the great trust I placed on them. Like an innocent child, I took what was given to me without question sadly.

The great Tabi' Sheikh Mohammed Ibn Sirin Raheemullah said; "This is the knowledge of your religion, so look to whom you take your knowledge from"...

For me now; the process of seeking knowledge should be

1. Where has this person learnt-----QUALIFICATION IS EVERYTHING!

Imam Bukhaari reports in his saheeh on the authority of Abdullah Ibn 'Amr Ibn Al-'As ( Radiallahu A'nhu) said that the prophet (sallahu a'layhi wasallam) said; Allah does not take away the knowledge by taking it away ( from the hearts of) the people, but he takes it away by the death of the scholars till when none of the (scholars) remains, people will take as their leaders ignorant people who when consulted will give their verdict without knowledge. So, they will go astray and will lead people astray.

Reading a book and understanding the endocrine system does not make an expert. Becoming a qualified scientist of the world takes many years, even a decade, how about that of the religion? The knowledge of this religion is precious and so it must be protected.

2. Who are, were her/his teachers? Quite obvious really...

3. What institution I'm I learning? I think this is very important. Normally, someone who is teaching the correct knowledge would not be teaching at institutions where administration is questionable. BUT Allah knows best.

Just my personal guideline.

The day after the night before....Election 2010

2010-05-07T21:57:00.003+01:00

I know this seems random, but his election has been so exciting on so many levels for me.Maybe because I'm a newbie. I'm now old enough to appreciate/understand the process.

As a matter of fact, this makes me a huge nerd. I stayed up for as long as possible just listening to the results and the evaluation of those results. I listened mostly on the BBC but at times opted for 1TV. I especially liked the BBC Radio 4 analysis of the whole thing...highly informative. I am much more politically educated. I guess that's pretty good, for some odd reason. Isn't it??? Surely knowledge is always power.

But coming back to the "excitement" elements to this whole thing. The biggest one being the fact that we have a hung parliament. Some don't like it, because according to them, the politicians would be able to make "dodgy" deals behind close doors, and the electorates wouldn't have much say in that. Actually, they'll have no say in that.

I say this; I am just glad that the Tories haven't won, won enough seats that is. I can tolerate any dodgy deals as long as the Tories do not have full power to make those deals. Must be a huge blow to Mr Cameron though. I am sure that he believed in his own hype. I am sure that they thought this was going to be a piece of cake judging by the opinion polls. I guess not.

According to some, this election can not touch that of the "birth of new labour" with Mr Blair back in the day...back in 1997. I was much too young to know what politics was let alone find some parts exciting.

I do vaguely remember the 2005 election simply because the conservatives had this abhorrent and highly offensive poster on immigration.

Funny/joyful bits...but then I have a strange humour.

A Tory lady who had lost a seat in her constituency had a MAJOR breakdown. That was funny. I can not remember which constituency...all I know is that Labour took the seat. She had to be taken out. She started attacking the media for their "lies"....never heard her, so the media didn't do that well. A blond, slim lady, at least she didn't take it lying down. Little bit of character always good.

The second one I won't mention because its slightly mean and morbid.

And this is not funny, but very good news. The BNP lost all twelve local councillors in Barking and Dagenham. Well done you. Alhamdulilah for that. The BNP are ghastly.

Election 2010

2010-05-06T15:47:00.010+01:00

The party campaigners are dedicated to their cause. You gotta give them that. My area, which has always been Labour inclined, is now slowly but surely becoming The Liberal Democratic inclined. The Labour guys and girls are fighting for their lives.

And even thought the leaders have cast their votes, the last one to do so was the man of the moment Mr Clegg. Their supporters on the other hand have still not given up trying convence people to vote their party and will probably not do so til about 21:55 tonight. The polls close 22:00.

We had people knocking on our door today and even offered to drive us to the polling station. The polling station which by the way is about 1.5min away from my doorstep. Of course we politely refused, how lazy and weird would that be?

Imagine saying; "yes sir, do drive me for 30 seconds because walking there is hard to do". I am a lady of leisure but that's just pushing it.

And although it looks likely that the elitist party will win. Insha'Allah they won't. Non of them are perfect, but we know that some are more inclined to respect, understanding and justice towards us than others. May Allah continue to bless/protect us. Ameen.

Hunger Pains

2010-05-03T22:50:00.000+01:00

Hunger and weight!!! Strange, until this day I can not seem to pinpoint what hunger means. I know how hunger feels, but I don't think my interpretation of that feeling is real. And so you ask, what do you mean??? I read a lot of the biological factors of hunger and looked into few theories of this feeling, so yes, I understand it, but I am not sure I UNDERSTAND IT when it comes to me.

The other night I asked myself; have I ever been truly hungry??? I am not sure. I thought I was...I felt it but I am not sure if it was the real deal.

Weight and Hunger!! Another interesting questions I asked myself was. Is my constant battle to stay fit associated with my ignorance of interpreting the feeling of hunger. In other words, are slimmer people more informed (psychologically) than those of us on the plump side???

Although I am inclined to the left-wing interpretation of why some of us are fat, but lets stick to the facts and not some unproven theory of why some people are just fat. Yes, I think those with medical (officially diagnosed by a qualified person) then fair play to them. They may have a reason to be overweight...but I refuse to believe or entertain those individuals like myself who eat unhealthy and horrendous food daily without a care who "justify" their obesity and ill health.

Its disingenuous to say that you are fat without a reason. We are fat because we eat too much and not exercises enough. That's that. And so coming back to the point of slimmer people being well informed, well yes, I think they are. I am not denying that some us have a higher metabolism than others, but lets look at this for what it is. Lets work with majority and norms and not concern ourselves with exceptional cases. Most thin/slim people eat less than those of us on the plum side. They may not eat healthier, but their portions are smaller and their frequency of eating is less. Personal responsibility is required for own obesity.

But lets look into some theories on this topic to help us understand little bit better.

1. Biologically we feel hungry because our stomach's contracting: The theory of stomach contract, here a crazy man swallowed a balloon which was attached to a tube, the balloon was inflated inside of his stomach and he said that he did not feel hungry. But this theory was dismissed since people who had their stomachs removed still felt hunger, so there has to be another cause.

2. Low level of blood glucose level

3. "Psychological hunger". Unlike animals, we eat to feed our minds to satiate psychological hunger.

Perhaps, most of us belong to the latter group. We eat because we feel like it rather than because we have to. The hunger of the mind is what leads to obesity and many associated ill health. I was prompted to write on the email below.

Our pain and confusion is a huge business for many, the diet industry is reported to be worth 40-100million dollars. Our obsession to diet has lead to increase in women/men suffering from Anorexia nervosa, Bulimia, Depressions, Suicide, Fertility problems and so on and on and on. Its shocking how extreme this can get for some of us, all because we want to shift little bit of fat, all because we want to feed that insatiable, psychological void.

Speaking from a personal experience, dieting is hard work and incredibly unrealistic, unhealthy obsession. Yes of course you can loose a lot of weight, but you WILL gain it all back. And as for "following a diet that works". I say; nonsense!! these diets are a business. But anyway, which diet would be follow? Far too many out there, far too many "diets that work". Lets look at some famous ones. Mr Atkins, no carbs and is a sure way to destroy your body more so than the doughnuts you love. The baby food diet; need I say more. The Maple Syrup Diet, no food at all and so on...its pathetic, its expensive and most importantly it damages your health....

Lets go back to basic and what better way than to go back to the SUNNAH. I promised myself that I would never diet again, just to stick to basic rules which the text below provides and have my own rules when it comes to looking after me. But a life time of habits are difficult to break but I shall indeed try Insha'Allah.

My list of healthy living Insha'Allah

1. Eat when physically hungry, not when you feel like it.

2. Stop when you are OK...

3. Smaller portions and your stomach will get use it...remember the stomach is a like a balloon it would only stretch as far as you stretch it.

4. Don't eat so late having late meals as a norm is NOT NORMAL

5. Eat what you want...don't have a "GOOD FOOD" and "BAD FOODS" list, even mentally. If its Halal than its fine. just be sensible.

By Shaykh Saalih ibn al-Fawzaan

An explanation of a hadeeth on the adab of eating. A look into the harms that can arise from overeating and how it can effect a person’s religion and health

Thus, it is incumbent upon an individual to take heed of this prophetic moral and to not be excessive when it comes to eating or his desires. In addition to this, if a person reaches a point where he is extremely greedy regarding food then it is likely that the halaal will not suffice him, hence he will set out seeking the haraam so he can fulfill his (evil) cravings.

In the name of Allaah, the Most Beneficent, Bestower of Mercy,

Hadeeth #1476: On the authority of al-Miqdaam ibn Ma'deekarib, radiyallaahu 'anhu, who said: The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: "No child of Aadam ever filled a vessel more destructive than his stomach."1

Explanation:

In this hadeeth is a prohibition from eating to one's fill and indulging excessively in the luxuries of the worldy-life. The Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: "No child of Aadam ever filled a vessel more destructive than his stomach." That is because if he fills his stomach it will harm him tremendously with regards to his religion and his health.

With regards to his religion: It will hinder him from the obedience of Allaah and cause him to be sluggish concerning the performance of acts of worship. It will also make him burdensome (upon himself) and inclined towards sleep. It will have a negative effect upon his heart and afflict it with laziness, obscurity, lack of attention and incompetence.

With regards to his health: The doctors have mentioned that overeating inherits many diseases. Likewise when a person always fills himself with food it urges him to behave and act barbaric and arrogantly. However if he is hungry then this will more likely prompt him to behave humbly and passively.

If he reduces his intake of food and drink, this will motivate him to be lenient and meek. On the other hand if he stuffs himself, this will incite him to act viciously, recklessly, haughty and cause him to chase after (his) evil desires. Every time he desires something he goes, gets and eats it. Nothing concerns him except his stomach and evil desires. This is something reprehensible and it (overeating) brings about many chronic diseases. It could well bring about a disease that could kill him; all due to overeating.

Therefore, eating to one's fill is detrimental to a person’s religion, worldly-life and health. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Sufficient for the son of Aadam are some morsels to keep his back straight. But if it is a must, then one-third for his food, one-third for his drink and one-third for air.” [This is the rest of the hadeeth of al-Miqdaam, radiyallaahu 'anhu]

The Shaykh continues: So if he were to fill his whole stomach and not leave any space for drink nor air then this is very harmful as the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: "No child of Aadam ever filled a vessel more destructive than his stomach."

Thus, it is incumbent upon an individual to take heed of this prophetic moral and to not be excessive when it comes to eating or his desires. In addition to this, if a person reaches a point where he is extremely greedy regarding food then it is likely that the halaal will not suffice him, hence he will set out seeking the haraam so he can fulfill his (evil) cravings.

So in filling one's stomach (i.e. eating to one's fill) there are many harms and evils that stem from it. So it's a must that one decreases his consumption of food even if he desires it, as the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, place a third for (each) his food, drink and air. This is what the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) advised us with (i.e. eating in this manner).

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Footnotes:

1 [At-Tirmithee (2317) Declared saheeh by al- Albaanee] - The hadeeth in Bulooghul-Maraam is not in its totality. The complete hadeeth can be found in ibn Maajah (#3349).

Taken from: Tasheel al-Imaam bifiqhi lil-Ahaadith min Buloogh il- Maraam (Shaykh Saalih Fawzaan's explanation of Bulooghul-Maraam)

Translator: Abu Fouzaan Qaasim

Little things that make my day

2010-04-30T01:35:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I had a lovely surprise, simple but nevertheless a lovely surprise. A friend of mine randomly took me out to dinner. I am telling you, these little things can make any girl's day. The dinner was amazing, and even though we went to a Somali restaurant, the food was deliciously alien... thoroughly enjoyed it.

Its good to have break and "let your hair down" sort of speak. I can not remember the last time I went out with girlfriends. Few girlfriends and I normally had a monthly pledge of exploring the wonders of international cuisines. But now, life got in the way.

Whats better than good food and good company for few hours...lovely Indeed.

Friendship

2010-04-06T03:30:00.000+01:00

I wanted to write about friendships for such a long awhile. For me, this is probably the most complex, most undefinable aspect to our human existence. I would say that its more complex than husband-wife relationships, its far more complex than sibling relationships and so on.

The latter because of individuals know where they stand, the relationship is clearly defined, the roles are ancient. As for the former, well in terms of feelings, then the love is unconditional, or it should be. As for the relationship, its usually not immensely difficult to define. Either you're "friends" with your brother/sister by that I mean you socialise them, you share friends, or you don't. And if you don't; then they are just your brother/sister and that's that.

However, "friend" is a problematic term to define. What is a friend? What do you expect? What kind of a friend is the person? Do you see; already; there are far too many types, far too many to define.

In order to understand this; I asked every female I knew two basic questions. What is a friend? And What do you expect from a friend?

The answers were truly unique, because both the definitions and expectations were greatly different of each person.

A person said; "A friend is one who is there for me irrespective of the circumstance" while another said " A friend is one who is concerned about my welfare as they are of their own" and interestingly another person defined a friend as "A person who allows you to make my your mistakes and does not judge your way of life"

The last definition was the most peculiar to me. I would think a friend is one who wants the best for you, one who wants to see you happy and a friend, to me, I guess give me sincere advise, and it may be that sometimes that may go against my way of thinking... I wouldn't want someone, a friend to "respect" my life if that life is poisonous.

A sister said her expectations differ from one friend to another, and so her definitions change. I didn't think of it that way. Its absolutely true, I don't have the same expectation from all the people in my life. It would be unhealthy to.

My definition of friendship is; a person with whom I feel absolutely at ease with, a person who is concerned for my well-being as close to their own, a loyal, honest and thoughtful person. Now, my definition seems slightly abstract, so I will explain. When I say, "absolutely at ease with" I mean a person who I am able to be completely honest with, a person who I can trust would not misinterpret my intention/action. Although this seems immensely basic, believe you me, I find that its incredibly difficult to find people like that.

When I say "honest", of course truthfulness is included in this description, but it also means, for me anyway, a person who is able to be "brutally" frank with me, because sometimes the truth is brutal. I would hate to have a "yes" relationship with me friends and I would absolutely abhor to a "formal, respectable, polite" interactions....how horridly unnatural is that? Surely the healthy argument/disagreement here and there does wonders for any relationship...

I came across an interesting categorization of "friendships"...you see for me, for awhile, a friend was a friend. Of course there were some that I spoke to more, that I saw more of, but in my heart and action, all were the same to some extend. Example; in times of joy, I would call most people I knew and share the news, in times of distress, I would seek their advise and in times of confusion I would seek their clarity. BUT NO MORE!!

And so this list of "types of friends" has been incredibly useful tool to use;

According to social psychologist, friends are divided into several groups. Each group has its use, purpose and even a time limit. We form "friendships" for many reasons. These include intellectual stimulation, professional gain, Emotional support, Short-term social/emotional benefit, cultural compatibility, class compatibility and so on. It seems to be the natural social need of the person. These are natural and a necessary Must.

The expectations of each individual need is immense, if the person whom we are expecting from does not hold us the same category of the friendship scale. Think about it? How many times have you thought, "why has this person done/or hasn't done this for me/to me". Back to the friendship list my friend!! Perhaps the balance in your relationship is different and you haven't caught up.

Discussing these is points is slightly sensitive because "social theories" can ironically lack the humane aspect to them, and so we can not box people off. The human mind and character is tremendously complex, nevertheless, I think its fair enough to acknowledge this side of friends too. The truth is, that most of us have had or currently have the types of friends mentioned above. Its normal, but I think its important to be able to distinguish between each type so that we have a balanced and uncomplicated social life.

And as the old saying goes, with friends like these who needs......

Horrible friends, what an oxymoron? BUT its true. What is horrible? The definition of a "bad" friend, just like the definition of "good" friend is up for personal interpretation simply because our expectations differ greatly. But here are some universal definition.

1. The one who lets you down constantly, is never there, always breaks promises...
2. Double face, always negative, spreads lies about you about and so on.
3.Self-centred the one who never listens, makes every issue about her, doesn't particularly care, or is even aware of your needs.
4. The big mouth friend....never can keep anything private, which makes you vulnerable
5. The competitor...whatever you can do I can do better friend...
6. The parasite-the fault finder....one who is always eating at you. Subhanallah I HATE THIS SO SO MUCH!!!

SOURCE: Dr. Jan Yager, When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You.

For the last few months, a lot has to happened to me which made me grow up in terms of interpersonal skills. For a while, I was one of those people who found it impossible to deal with "someone not talking to me", I found it immensely necessary to apologise for almost everything, even when shouldn't. I was one of those people who needed, perhaps subconsciously "social approval" it would seem. I now have a more relaxed approach to it all.

I have come to realise that, I no longer need to apologise for my way of life to anyone, I do not need approval to for the decisions I choose to make. I realised always that it would seem, some people like for you to be as insecure as they are, and when you are not, they think you are "aggressive and unfeminine". When you are not indeed of constant reassurance, then they see you as haughty.

Some people are my close friends, and these are the people who show real interest in cultivating a genuine friendship with me through action and word, and others aren't. The line is clear now and I am so happy with it.

By the way, this is paper, obviously by reading you would know is not trying to be "Islamic". I would never go there because I know nothing and so why?

Miss K.

HERE I AM ONCE AGAIN...

2010-04-01T22:30:00.001+01:00

Asalamu A'laikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

Here I am all over again, sadly today I had to delete my old blog because of issues which I couldn't solve...and boy did I try.

I am sad that I lost so much material, but hey its qadr ...plus, I get to blog under the name I originally wanted which is great. Insha'Allah this name will stay with me forever, or a very long time.

Its weird having to repeat everything all over again, and so I won't. I want to blog because its immensely therapeutic and sometimes, just sometimes I have things to say.

Please read and contribute. I am seriously looking forward to blogging once again.

Miss K.